Tips on navigating your way through some of the most awkward situations you might encounter as a massage therapist.
By Clare La Plante
Amanda Barp, a licensed massage therapist in Portland, Oregon, remembers one session that completely blindsided her. It was her second session with this particular client, and as she began, he asked her: “Do you do anything erotic at the end of this massage?” Barp was stupefied. Then angry. Then confused.
She decided to be direct. “I looked him straight in the eye and said, ‘This is a therapeutic massage only. If you want something else, this isn’t the place to find it.’”
The session proceeded without a hitch and, by mutual consent, they never worked together again. However, she learned a valuable lesson: Awkward happens, especially in massage therapy. And when it happens, you need to rely on your own clear boundaries.
Here are a few tips from teachers and fellow massage therapists that can help you better define your personal boundaries and deal with some common situations that can be uncomfortable. Additionally, sample dialogues from William Scarpino, founder/editor of www.how-to-negotiate.com, provide you with potential responses for times when you’re just, well, speechless.
1. A sexual element has entered the massage session
Alana Eve Burman, licensed massage therapist and owner of Boulder, Colorado-based JoyLife Therapeutics Inc., encourages massage therapists to be clear from the get-go about sexual boundaries, perhaps by specifically outlining the guidelines of a professional massage on the intake form.
Be vigilant in how you present yourself in your words, dress and touch. Be prepared to speak directly to the matter. Still, you may run into trouble, and it may be deceptively subtle. “People want to relate and be friendly, and can take it over the line,” says Burman.
When this happens, Burman redirects the conversation. “If someone asks you what you’re doing this weekend, for example, your response can be, ‘Let’s focus on the session. I want to help your shoulders relax.’”
You’ll be better able to respond quickly and effectively, explains Suzanne Scurlock-Durana, a Reston, Virginia-based craniosacral therapy practitioner, if you ground yourself first-literally.
“Rub your feet on the floor, go from foot to foot,” she says. “Then feel your spine against the chair, or just notice it if standing. This drags you back to your center.” Both of these exercises allow you to claim your benign power in the room.
“If you don’t feel as though you’re the largest energy field in the room,” she adds, “then there’s a boundary issue right there.”
As added insurance, role play with a friend. Nina McIntosh, author of Educated Heart: Professional Boundaries for Massage Therapists, Bodyworkers and Movement Teachers, knew a massage therapist whose very first client tried to undrape himself during the session. “It made such a difference to the therapist that he had role played this exact situation in school,” she says.
Dialogue 1:
“As a professional therapist, I do not offer that service.” If this does not resolve the situation, then firmly end the session. “I am sorry, that is a service we don’t offer and I am no longer comfortable being your therapist. I will credit you for the time remaining, but the session is over.”
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American Massage Therapy Association®
