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by Eve. A. Wood, MD - illustration by Kate O'Leary
It's All Relative
I write this column before its publication. As I put pen to paper to share my thoughts with you today, I’m sitting comfortably in my air-conditioned office in Tucson, Arizona. Yet, a hop, skip and a jump away, firefighters are battling raging fires in San Diego. I’m safe and protected here I am, but heat, smoke and embers surround them. They struggle to do their work as the Santa Ana winds blow up to 70 mph. Fire can be a holy terror. Thousands of homes have been reduced to piles of ash. Neighborhoods have disappeared and a massive number of families have become homeless overnight. Some people have died. On October 22, a beautiful sunny day in Southern California turned into a nightmare.
As many of you know from reading my prior columns, I’m getting divorced. My marriage of 25 years has
imploded, and I am in the middle of a legal battle that can overwhelm me at times. But, I know this is finite. I
will eventually be divorced. And, both my children and I will be fine at the end. This isn’t a life or death situation. So, this week when people ask me how I am doing I say, “I’m doing well, all things considered, and, thank God, I don’t live in San Diego.”
It’s striking to me how relative pain, misfortune and challenge can be. We can be down in the dumps until we
hear of our neighbor’s greater misfortune. Then, all of a sudden, our problems don’t seem to be so big after all. We don’t want to trade our sorry lot for theirs, for all the tea in China. We find ourselves thinking, “Thank God I don’t have their problems.” Then we begin to focus on what we have to be grateful for.
Lately, I’ve been learning a lot about the blessings in loss. My husband has been gone for seven months, and my children are living with me full time. I am responsible for their needs and care. No one co-parents with me anymore. I do it myself, and it’s a ton to do.
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